can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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