remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
