Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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