Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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