I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
