she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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