All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
