I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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