My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
