The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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