whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
