Can i not drive my cunt home
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
