I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
