She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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