You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
