Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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