Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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