Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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