All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
