Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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