Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
