you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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