I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
