coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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