if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
