Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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