I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
