This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
