i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You've changed since you got that strap on
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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