I faked an abortion last night.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
