I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
