How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
