If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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