I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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