i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
