I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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