How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
