Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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