I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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