I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize