he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
