I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
