His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
