like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
