this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
