Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
