i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Congratulations! We have a period
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