Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
