My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!