he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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