I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
