dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
