fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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