I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
