We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
