Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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