dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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