a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
