Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
