wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
