Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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