ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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