I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
