let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
