im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
