If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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