She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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