apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
