Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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