i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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