Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You really coming over, don't trick.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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