Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
