Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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