either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
