"it" just moved
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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