I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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