Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
