we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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