FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
