I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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